... and we are merely monkey's

Congratulations, you just wasted 23 1/2 seconds of your lifeSo what is MonkeyGuano, you may ask... Well thank you for asking. A Monkey is a primate from which all humans originated, unless of course you believe that apple and horny Teenager story. And Guano, well that is Poop, particularly the poop of Birds and Bats, but I stole it for monkey's. After all, if Paris Hilton can make an album, Monkey's can sure as hell squirt a little Guano out of their ass.Oh, I guess that really didn't answer your question... OK 42.Cheers,

Thursday, December 18, 2008

BURGER KING BODY SPRAY - BURGER KING Steps into the Viral marketing ring

VIRAL MARKETING - The New IT Form of public awareness

It seems to have started with a department store and their VIRAL "DOGHOUSE" commercial disguised as an Internet joke then it moved to BERLITZ and their spoof on the GERMAN COASTGUARD which played on the German "TH" accent impediment.

Not to be outdone, BURGER KING has gone all RED GREEN on us. It seems they are talking about marketing a Beef scented body spray. As you can see in the picture above, their website features a picture of a NAKED BURGER KING covered only by... what else, a dead animal skin.

BURGER KING is calling their new COLOGNE, FLAME and apparently it smells just like their burger. I guess if the

doesn't get the wearer devoured by a pack of hungry dogs, it will at least remind people of the smell of salt, cow blood and fat grilling over an open FLAME, perhaps reminding them of McDonalds, Wendy's or even BURGER KING.

Don't get me wrong, I am definitely a fan of cooking dead cow, add a little Ground Bison and ground pig and you have a thing of beauty. Far better than any WHOPPER.

Here is the write up from the BURGER KING WEBSITE talking about the new BURGER KING BODY SPRAY - FLAME.

I am not exactly sure who would be attracted to the scent other then hungry carnivores, but there’s a new cologne on the market just in time for the holidays. Burger King is releasing a men’s body spray/cologne called “Flame,” which they are describing as “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”

We don’t make this stuff up, honest. We’re not sure which is worse, wearing a cologne called “Flame” or smelling like a hamburger. Perhaps they should name the cologne ‘Meat’?

Anyway it’s not going to cost you an arm and a leg to smell flame broiled. The ‘Home of the Whopper’ began selling the body spray for $4 a bottle over the weekend on their Web site and at Rickey’s, a New York City retailer.

VIRAL ADVERTISING is becoming the new thing, combine this with an effective SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION(SEO) PROGRAM. If you are interested in creating your own VIRAL MARKETING SEO CAMPAIGN check out HTBWMedia

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Sondra Fortunato the Attention Whore

Someone, please get this woman a clue.
Sondra Fortunato is the self proclaimed Miss Football. Sondra also claims to ba a Miss Liberty model as well as a few other things. I don't mean to sound like I am getting down on a person for her desire to reach for success, however, false hope and 15 minutes at the cost of dignity is another story.

It seems Sondra's most recent stunt has her up in Googles rankings as fishnet Santa. The story goes, Sondra Fortunato was attending a "Giants of New York" football game when she was ejected for her attire, or lack thereof. I know Pamela Anderson was originally discovered at a BC Lions Football game and I'm sure this is what Sondra Fortunato is reaching for, but come on Woman, GET A CLUE. Does the world need yet another lipstick princess wannabe.

Here is the recent story of Sondra Fortunato

Apparently the NFL doesn't want any more wardrobe scandals. Last Sunday the New York Giants brass told the team's unofficial cleavage queen, Sondra Fortunato, to cover it up or go home.

Sondra told the Post that she was escorted to the security office and told she should change her fashion statement:

They said, 'Can't you come to the stadium dressed like a regular person?' They said there were a lot of kids there."
She insists there was nothing naughty about her outfit.

"Nothing was showing. You couldn't even see my underwear. I don't flash!"
The Giants claim the problem was not her clothes but the suitcase she carries and the big signs she brings into the stadium. But as the Post points out, no one stopped her or confiscated her bag and signs on the way into the game.

In any case, Sondra covered herself with a sweater. But she still doesn't see why she can't display her assets.She said:

I love the Giants! I'm a flamboyant dresser and I'm well-endowed.

Look, I'm a middle-aged woman. ... But Madonna goes out and she's got everything hanging out, and she's middle-aged!"
There you have it, folks. You knew someone was going to say it out loud sooner or later.

Sondra, get a clue, Madonna uses her boobs as props in her singing and dancing. Since you have no talent, what are your boobs a prop for?

If you are interested in the loud and obnoxious, feel free to check out these PICTURES OF SONDRA FORTUNATO the Self proclaimed Miss Football

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Gap Casting Call - All the world is a cage

So today's hot search seems to be the Gap casting call. From doing a little research it seems Baby Gap is on the hunt for America's Cutest kids. Gap will select 20 finalists from the millions of pushy parents who submitted pictures of their child in hopes of fame and fortune (Probably a little bragging rights in there too.)

The thing is, do these parent look at the news? Do they see what is happening to other child "stars" like Britney Breakdown Spears, Miley Cyrus, The Olsen Twins and Gary Coleman (Who still looks the same as he did when he was on TV), to name just a few. Hollywood is an evil place and childhood fame is a seed to future dysfunction.

So parents, as you sit there voting for your child over and over again on the Gap Casting call website, take some time to enjoy your child as their innocence will soon be replaced with entitlement issues and drug addiction.

Either way, the GAP CASTING CALL is now over and the Gap casting call vote for the cutest babies in America will start on Monday December 8th.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Meet an Inmate???

OK, this is fucking nuts. I guess there are some loosers out there wh ofeel their life needs a little more to be complete, so what do they do, they go out searching for an inmate to meet, fuck with or be penpals with.

I really don't know what to say about this, I guess some people have this bad boy or bad girl complex where they need to be involved with someone fucked up beyond belief. This trend became fairly evident to me when search trends for another blog posting of mine regarding Scott Peterson and other death row inmates skyrocketed over the term "death row penpal." It seems there are a number of people, the world over, looking for the companionship of someone who has very little if any respect for human life.

Hottie blogger, Kristi Gustafson, also recently wrote something on the topic of a meet an inmate website making the bottom 10 of useless sites. Although I agree with the stupidity of a site dedicated to finding "friends" for the scum of society, it seems it is at least keeping the inmates busy posting bio's. This is what happens when you give prisoners "rights"

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Tina Sherman Nude McDonalds Cellphone pictures

Has the world gone Nucking futs? So yesterday this story goes viral on the internet. Apparently this guy named Philip Sherman, leaves his cellphone in a McDonalds. Ok, ordinary enough there except it was pretty stupid, he should probably get a belt holder for his phone. To make this story even more interesting, in true American style, Philip Sherman and his wife Tina Sherman are now suing McDonalds. Because he left his phone on the table you say? Nope, because Philip Sherman had some NUDE PICTURES OF HIS WIFE TINA SHERMAN ON HIS CELLPHONE. Not only did Philip Sherman have these nude photo's of his wife Tina Sherman on his cellphone, in true American Style, they got leaked onto the internet.

So according to court documents the couple suffered over these pictures of Tina Sherman being leaked onto the internet. So of course, since a McDonalds table was the last known location of Philip Sherman's cellphone McDonalds must pay for the forgetfulness of Philip Sherman. Maybe there was something in the burgers which made Philip Sherman forget his cellphone loaded with nude pictures of his wife on a table at McDonalds.

Personally, I think they should just get on with life, take this 15 minutes and work with it. Hey, maybe Tina Sherman can star next to Lisa Ann in Nailin Paylin Part Deux - Everything sounds better in french.

For more on this story

Nude Tina Sherman Photo's Exposed on internet
I'm Loving it - Nude Tina Sherman cellphone pictures spread on the internet

Friday, November 21, 2008

Dumb ass teen wacks himself on webcam

Now this is fucking stupid

A South Florida teen died of a lethal drug overdose in front of a live online webcam audience 12 hours after he started blogging about his plan to commit suicide, an investigator said Friday.

Abraham Biggs, 19, died Wednesday from a toxic combination of opiates and benzodiazepine, a drug used to treat insomnia and depression, said Wendy Crane, an investigator with the Broward County medical examiner's office. At least one of the drugs was prescribed to him and it's unclear how he got the others, Crane said.

Some of those watching encouraged Biggs, others tried to talk him out of it, and a few were debating whether the dose he took was lethal, Crane said. It's unclear how many people were watching.

Biggs stated his intentions on a forum at bodybuilding.com, where some users said they did not take him seriously because he had made previous statements about killing himself, Crane said. Biggs posted a link from there to Justin.tv, a site that allows users to broadcast live videos from their webcams.

Someone finally notified the moderator of the body building site's forum, who traced the teen's location to Pembroke Pines and called police, Crane said. Biggs was dead by the time they got to his house around 3:30 p.m. Wednesday, Crane said. He had started blogging at 3 a.m.

"He was just seen laying on the bed at that point," she said.

Condolences poured into his MySpace page, where the mostly unsmiling teen is seen posing in a series of pictures with various young women.

A woman who answered the phone at Biggs' home and identified herself as his sister said the family was still dealing with his death and declined immediate comment.

Biggs' father, Abraham Biggs Sr., told ABCNews.com that he was not home when his son died. He said his son struggled with depression and had been prescribed benzodiazepine to treat bipolar disorder. Biggs had been "doing better," his father said. "He was a good kid."

The elder Biggs said he was upset that Justin.tv streamed his son's suicide live.

"There seems to be a lack of control as to what people put out on the Internet," the elder Biggs said. "There's a lot of garbage out there that should not be, and unfortunately this was allowed to happen."

In a statement, Justin.tv CEO Michael Seibel said: "We regret that this has occurred and want to respect the privacy of the broadcaster and his family during this time."

Messages left with the body building Web site were not immediately returned Friday. A spokesman said Pembroke Pines police are investigating but declined further comment.

Crane said she knows of at least one other case in which a South Florida man shot himself in the head in front of an online audience, although she didn't know how much viewers saw.

In Britain last year, a man hung himself while chatting online.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Stalkers and Freaks

I've never understood this whole celebrity fascination thing.
Today, I took a look through Google Hot Trends and noticed Brad Armpit is back in the limelight. I guess he appeared on the Oprah Windbag show and there was an opportunity for fans (read as stalkers) to talk to Bradley via webcam. Ya, can you see where this is going.

Brad, what the fuck is that bug on
your face, you look like Hitler

So anyways, this bowser twit pops on and starts swooning over Brad and how great he is and how much of a fan (Stalker) she is. This girl further went on to start asking detailed questions about Brad's Tattoo's and what their significance is. At this point Brad refused to answer looked noticably embarassed, or angry and tried to move on. Apparently this girl had no concept of body language and she kept on. If I was Brad, I would be boosting my level of security and getting a restraining order, this chick is obviously nuts (being a fan of Brad Pitt aside)

Oh ya, so if anyone knows this nutbag, you might want to get her layed. She really needs to get a life.

Monday, November 17, 2008

"Big Suprise" Another bank in financial problems - Remember the 80's

OK, does this headline really surprise anyone?

Citibank Massive employee Lay-off

For a couple of years now, I have been telling people the Real Estate market was ready for a crash. Living in Vancouver Canada, I was met with dumb-ass comments like "oooh not until after the Olympics" as if 2 weeks of people skating, skiing and sliding down an icy track with their genitals closely entwined with another member of the same sex is really going to effect the real estate market in a substantial and real way. Did you read that part about the 2 weeks!!!

All that aside, the banks and credit card companies have been taking full advantage of the increased level of consumer stupidity. The Subprime interest rate marketing scheme was simply the start, longer amortization periods and reduced qualifications for Morgtages added to the massive debt load. Credit card companies followed suit by increasing the number of "introductory rate" offers, knowing full well, most consumers have little control over their spending habits when it comes to plastic.

Yes, I feel bad for the employee's who are now being layed off. Unfortunately, many of them had very little to do with the brain dead decisions made by the top level execs. Those effected can take some comfort in knowing, if the past is any indication, top level executive positions will soon be subject to the axe as the economy takes a further tumble into oblivion.

All that said, things will eventually get better once the shit filters through the pipes. It might take a few years as well as some interest rate increases, but the banks will eventually recover and the economy will be ready for a brand new batch of brain dead consumers and blood sucking bank executives.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Woman Gives Birth to her own Grandchildren

I would think a story like this would originate from the deep south, but Ohio??? Read on

An Ohio woman who gave birth to her own triplet grandchildren says she is feeling fine one month later. Fifty-six-year-old Jaci Dalenberg of Wooster had to be closely monitored because of her age. Dalenberg said Tuesday on ABC's "Good Morning America" that she was happy to serve as a surrogate to help her daughter.

The girls were delivered by caesarean section on Oct. 11. They were more than two months premature and each weighed less than three pounds. Daughter Kim Coseno says the babies are doing well. The Cleveland Clinic says Dalenberg offered herself as a surrogate when Kim Coseno and her husband, Joe, were waiting to adopt.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Is the World Ready for Obama? On the Prowl for racist Obama Jokes

Let me start off by saying I am not racist. I have no problem with anyone being anything they want regardless of colour. In fact, colour should never be an issue when it comes to jobs, relationships and politics. The thing is, the whole Obama election relied heavily on Obama being "Black". When Obama won, all the media could say was "Americans Elect the first Black President."

I understand skin tone is fairly evident but how is that any different from saying "Americans elect first Blonde President" or "Americans elect first President without a Texas accent." Come on people, who gives a fvck.

I tried to find some Racist Obama jokes for this post as everyone seems to be looking for them but at the end of the day we are all follicly challenged Monkey's.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Politics takes a new twist

And you thought the Hustler Video Nailin Paylin was the furthest anyone could go.... well you were wrong. Some resident of LA decided to Hang Sarah Palin in efigy out side his home. Here is the story.

A Halloween decoration showing a mannequin dressed as vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin hanging by a noose from the roof of a Los Angeles house has sparked outrage among Republican supporters.

The mannequin, which is dressed in brown wig, glasses and a red business suit, has been reported to police as a hate crime.

However, officers said the mannequin could not be considered a hate crime because it was part of a Halloween display.

Chad Michael Morisette, who lives in the house, defended the effigy, claiming it was art.

Mr Morisette admitted it would be out of bounds at any other time of year.

He said: "It should be seen as art, and as within the month of October. It's Halloween, it's time to be scary it's time to be spooky."

Sgt. Kristin Aloma of the sheriff's department said that since Sunday she had received five to 10 calls from residents offended by the display. Officials are monitoring the house to make sure the situation doesn't get out of hand, she said.

"I'm not defending this; I'm not criticising it. It doesn't rise to the level of hate crime," said Steve Whitmore, spokesman for the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department, who said he went out to the house himself to look at the display this morning. "Now, if there was a crime against bad taste . . . "

Mr Whitmore said that potential hate crimes are evaluated on a case-by-case basis. If the same display had been made of a Barack Obama-like doll, for example, authorities would have to evaluate it independently, he said.

The home's decorations also feature a doll of John McCain surrounded by "flames" in the chimney, and other more typical Halloween items, such as skeletons and spider webs.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Oprah Licks Carpet, Stedman Likes Dick - More Gay Rumours

First of all, I would like to say WHO GIVES A FUCK!!!
Now onto the news.
So once again rumours are abound about Oprah Windbag oops Winfrey and Stedman whatshisface. I guess people are wondering why there are so few pictures of Oprah and Stedman together. Instead they are replaced with pictures of Oprah and some gal pal Gayle King. Apparently this means Oprah has joined the cast of the L-Word or something.

The media loves to out dykes and fags.

Horny Goat Weed - The Ongoing Search for the Boner or an indicator of a Poor US Education System

I was wondering through the Google Search this morning and once again stumbled upon HORNY GOAT WEED. This is not a new topic, in fact I wrote about it a few weeks ago when it was mentioned in a scientific study. What makes this particular search interesting is not that a wack of people were searching for HORNY GOAT WEED... in fact they weren't They were searching for "HORNEY GOAT WEED." Not to be anal, but my though is, if they cannot spell it how can they get there!!!

I guess I really shouldn't put all the blame on the Americans, they are just such an easy target. Sorry 'bout that Eh! :P


For more information on Horny Goat Weed


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Living Goddess of Nepal nothing godly about it

I am all for freedom of religion and find many ancient traditions interesting, this however, is a little bit fucked up. Read the whole way through and you will see what I mean.
Thoughts anyone?

KATHMANDU, Nepal - Religious authorities in Nepal anointed a three-year-old girl as a living goddess Tuesday in a tradition dating back centuries.

Matani Shakya was wrapped in red silk and her hair was adorned with red flowers as Hindu and Buddhist priests chanted sacred hymns and showered her with flowers and grains of rice. The new "kumari" or living goddess, was carried from her parents' home to an ancient palatial temple in the heart of the Nepal's capital, Kathmandu.

She will live there until she reaches puberty and loses her divine status.

Until then, she will be worshipped by Hindus and Buddhists as an incarnation of the powerful Hindu deity Taleju.

A panel of judges conducted a series of ancient ceremonies to select the goddess from several two-to four-year-old girls who are all members of the impoverished Shakya goldsmith caste.

The judges read the candidates' horoscopes and check each one for physical imperfections. The living goddess must have perfect hair, eyes, teeth and skin with no scars, and should not be afraid of the dark.

As a final test, the living goddess must spend a night alone in a room among the heads of ritually slaughtered goats and buffaloes without showing fear.

Having passed all the tests, the child will stay in almost complete isolation at the temple, and will be allowed to return to her family only at the onset of menstruation when a new goddess will be named to replace her.

"I feel a bit sad, but since my child has become a living goddess I feel proud," said her father, Pratap Man Shakya.

During her time as a goddess, she will always wear red, pin up her hair in topknots, and have a "third eye" painted on her forehead.

Devotees touch the girls' feet with their foreheads, the highest sign of respect among Hindus in Nepal. During religious festivals the goddesses are wheeled around on a chariot pulled by devotees.

Critics say the tradition violates both international and Nepalese laws on child rights. The girls often struggle to readjust to normal lives after they return home.

Nepalese folklore holds that men who marry a former kumari will die young, and so many girls remain unmarried and face a life of hardship.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Sarah Palin Nude Painting - What is all the fuss about?

Todays' Hot search kinda explains the wierd fascination certain lonely people have with Japanese Anime. Ya ok, so I thought Betty Rubble was hot (Not the Rosie ODonnell Version) but come on, am I the only one who finds this NUDE PAINTING OF SARAH PALIN more than a little wierd. Put aside the fat this does not even look like her and more resembles a Mike Judge or Matt Groening creation that a naked senator. To make matters even wierder, the "artist", and I use that term lightly, used his DAUGHTER as a model. Apparently she does a good Sarah Palin impression.

Old Guy painting a picture of his naked Daughter..... It says this guy is from Chicago, I'm thinking Alabama


Monday, September 22, 2008

Jamie Lynn Spears Breast Feeding

Those familiar with me and my blogs know I do most of my blogging while I sit on the toilet taking my morning dump. What does this have to do with Jamie Lynn Spears and this whole issue of Leaked (Stolen) breast feeding pictures??? Well nothing really.

So anyways, from how the story goes, Casey Aldridge decided to take some cell phone pictures of Jamie Lynn Spears breast feeding. Of course Casey is just like any 19 year old male so her nipple was showing. The wierd thing is, with technology the way it is today and the ability of pretty much anyone to run pictures off at home, Casey, the rocket scientist, decided to take the pictures to Walmart to be developed....


Casey, if by some strange miracle you can actually read, did you fall off the turnip truck or something? When god was handing out brains, did you think the said trains and subsequently asked for a wind-up set?

Jamie Lynn's Sister, Britney is the most sought after personality on the internet. Newspapers, the internet and TV shows are riddled with useless and very personal information about the Spears Family. Did you really think some minimum wage lackey at Walmart would keep a million dollar opportunity like STOLEN PICTURES OF JAMIE LYNN SPEARS BREASTFEEDING a secret?

Shit, the title of this blog alone will bring in thousands of perverts (Speaking of which... get a life people.) Why would anyone want to see pictures of a 16 year old JAMIE LYNN SPEARS NAKED?

This is shit!!! Oh ya, there is the parallel.

Sunday, September 14, 2008


OK, coming from Texas and Louisiana, this story is bound to be filled with stupidity as a result of the gene pool alone.

So, the Gulf Coast of Texas and Louisiana was hit by HURRICANE IKE over the weekend. Yes, this is definitely a sad thing. Thousands of homes were damaged by torrential winds, ran and thundering waves. Of course, readers of this blog will know this article is defiantly not about human compassion and understanding. ALTHOUGH I DO FEEL COMPASSION FOR THE INNOCENT WHO LOST THEIR HOMES THROUGH NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN.

Now onto the meat and guts of this post.


Apparently rescue workers in Texas are now sifting through the Rubble searching for those who refused to evacuate. Say what, people actually wanted to stay behind?? Did they think they could save their house with a bilge pump and fucking ice cream bucket????

Even me, sitting up here in Canada, the land of complacency, could see the signs. Satellite imagery showed HURRICANE IKE totally engulfing the GULF OF MEXICO just a day prior to the hit. The EYE OF THE HURRICANE was obviously heading for the Texas coast and anyone with half a brain should have known it would not:

a: Switch directions and head back to Cuba "Because the are um bad people and God hates dem dere bad peoples"

b: Totally dissipate by the time it hit land.

I read an article this morning and ran into some interesting quotes. Here they are for your amusement and wonder:

"I falled in the attic," Jack told paramedic Stanley Hempstead of his 10-foot tumble through the attic and onto the garage floor.

Grammar aside, what the fuck was he doing in the Attic... High winds people....

"We just didn't think it was going to come up like this," said the boy's father, Lee King. "I'm from New Orleans, I know better. I just didn't think it was going to happen."

Do I really need to comment on this one?

So now to the point of this blog. Honestly, the intent was not to poke fun at the less intelligent.
Texas being the home state of Dubya, Hurricane IKE Rescue efforts are going to be costly. There seems to be more money tossed into the "Rescue the Texan fund" than was spent on Katrina efforts.
What do you think about this?
First of all, the importance placed on this rescue over all others.
Secondly, should the US taxpayer have to be on the hook for rescuing those who refused to follow warnings like "Leave or you will face CERTAIN DEATH." Now how much more serious of a warning do you need?

Feel free to comment or insult me for my callus uncaring blog
I have posted a vote on the topic HERE

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Ghost of Elvis

ok, so today is the anniversary of Elvis' Death and he came to visit me. I'm not shitting you when I tell you this, but I have Elvis' Ghost in a jar. I had to stick it in the basement because I was really getting tired of hearing his singing.... I'm not really a fan of the fat bastard.
So.... If anyone is interested in buying Elvis in a jar, drop me a line via the HTBW Ad to the right.
I just want to get this fat ghosty bastard out of my house adn really just want to toss him in the bin, but I realise this could be worth some money to the right fan.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Get that Fucking Sword Away from me you Crazy Viking

On my way home from work today I heard this strange little story about "Nils Olav", Edinburgh Zoo's famous King penguin getting knighted. Yes, the odd ceremony where some suited up King or Queen taps some unsuspecting soul with a sword just to make them feel special.

Knighting used to be a way to sucker people into fighting for their country, however, recently it has become more of a publicity stunt for Royal Families. This particular publicity stunt truly shows how stupid these Royal boneheads are... It is a fucking flightless bird you Morons!!!!! or in case you don't understand Det er en fucking flightless fugl du Morons

I'm thinking the translation service did not understand fucking or moron... Oh well.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Dharma Wants You

Let me start this out by saying LOST IS A FUCKING TV SHOW PEOPLE. The Dharma initiative is made up by TV writers for the show LOST. The Island is a regular island. There is no magnetic shit nor does some guy named John Lock run around playing rambo. Fat guys won't get layed because they are sensitive and cripples don't get healed by some sort of magic.

Apparently there is some spam company getting their kicks by signing morons up for their website claiming they are looking for people to join the Dharma initiative.

Aside from the obvious fake factor, it says they are looking for intelligent people. Now ask yourself, would anyone aside from a backwards hick who's father is also their Brother fall for this load of shit. Fuck, maybe humanity would be better off if these idiots were stranded on some Island somewhere. They would probably end up killing themselves with sticks shoved in their eyes because they want to stop the constant noise in their heads.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Wacko Jacko Roll's into the Scene

What blog about monkey poop would not complete without a write-up on the most famous crackpot of all.... Michael Jackson.
Yes, the prince of craziness reared his bleached alien head (Albeit covered up) for a wheelchair tour of Vegas. Normally costumed up or dangled children, Prince, Paris and Blanket (Ya he's normal) in tow Michael decided pants were too much work and he stayed in his pyjamas.

Ya know, I really don't know what to say about this which has not already been said. It is simply shocking that the authorities would allow Michael to have custody of these Children. Fuck, it is so apparent that his dick was not even involved in their production (Unless he dumped them in a vat of bleach at birth...) These children were simply purchased like a commodity, how sad.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Some bullshit about a "Man" Giving birth

OK, this is just fucked up. This is not a guy giving birth people, Fact of the matter is, this person is a WOMAN. she has a vagina but just wants to call herself a guy. So this is simply a matter of another freak having a child.
Simple biology lesson here people.

VAGINA = Woman

Any questions?

Thomas Beatie, the man who made headlines around the world when he announced he was pregnant earlier this year, has given birth in an Oregon hospital.

ABC News reported Beatie, 34, had given birth to a healthy baby girl at the St Charles Medical Center.

A source told ABC the baby was "really cute" and that Beatie was resting.

Though he was born female, Beatie underwent a sex change operation a decade ago and became legally male.

Two years ago, he and his wife Nancy - who have been together since Beatie's operation - decided to start a family.

Nancy had previously had a hysterectomy but Beatie was able to conceive as he had opted to retain his female reproductive organs at the time of his sex change operation.

He stopped taking testosterone and began the process of artificial insemination once his menstrual cycle had resumed.

An initial pregnancy almost ended in disaster when Beatie conceived ectopic triplets and had to undergo emergency surgery, but a second attempt was more successful and in March he announced the news in the gay, lesbian and transgender magazine the Advocate.

Initially the announcement was met with scepticism but Beatie appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show in April, to explain his situation.

"I see pregnancy as a process and it doesn't define who I am," he told Oprah.

"I feel it's not a male or female desire to have a child. It's a human need. I'm a person and I have the right to have a biological child."

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Look mommy, it's Jeeeesus

OK, this comes from the People will believe any shit that is thrown their way file. Apparently some woman in Florida saw Jesus in her ultrasound. I have included the video so ou could judge for yourself, but to me it looks like a fucking pelvic bone... Moron's!!!!

Friday, June 20, 2008

Stupid Teenaged girls in Glouchester make a pregnancy pact

OK, here is a story of stupidity. Apparenty a group of 17 tean aged girls made a pact to get pregnant and raise their bastard doomed to fail in life children together. The story goes as far to say that one fo the fathers is a 24 year old homeless bum. What the fuck is the world coming to.

A pact made by a group of teens to get pregnant and raise their babies together is at least partly behind a sudden spike in pregnancies at Gloucester High School, school officials said.

Principal Joseph Sullivan told Time magazine in a story published Wednesday that the girls confessed to making the pact after the school began investigating a rise in pregnancies that has left 17 girls at the school carrying a child. Normally, there are about four pregnancies a year at the school.

Sullivan told Time that nearly half of the expecting students, none over 16, were involved. Sullivan said students were coming to the school clinic multiple times to get pregnancy tests, and "seemed more upset when they weren't pregnant than when they were."

Some of the girls reacted to the news they were pregnant with high fives and plans for baby showers, Sullivan said. One of the fathers "is a 24-year-old homeless guy," Sullivan told the magazine.

Superintendent Christopher Farmer confirmed the deal to WBZ-TV, saying the girls had "an agreement to get pregnant."

He said the girls are generally "girls who lack self-esteem and have a lack of love in their life."

Christen Callahan, a former Gloucester High School student who had a child when she was 15, said on NBC's "Today" show that some of the girls would ask her about her own pregnancy.

"They would say stuff like, oh, I think my parents would be fine with it and they would help me, stuff like that," Callahan said.

But she said she had no firsthand knowledge of a pact between the girls to get pregnant.

"They were just kind of like curious about it, they never actually came out and said it," Callahan said.

The first reports of the students' apparent plan to get pregnant were in the Gloucester Daily Times in March, when Sullivan said students were reporting that the girls were getting pregnant on purpose.

The rash of pregnancies has shaken the seaside city about 30 miles north of Boston. Last month, two officials at the high school health center resigned to protest the resistance from the local hospital to the confidential distribution of contraceptives. The hospital administers the state money that funds the clinic.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Stupid Florida Teens and their "Fire in the Hole" YouTube Prank

Just another sign of the Stupidity of humanity. Here is a story about a couple of dump punk ass kids who took part, filmed and subsequently posted their childish actions on YouTube. The prank is called "Fire in the Hole." To add to the stupidity of it all, it was actually their YouTube posting which got them caught.... No, you think.... Dumb fucks

Here is the story

Two Florida teenagers who threw their soft drink at the waitress in a drive-through restaurant and posted a video of their actions on YouTube have followed it up with a grovelling apology – on the orders of a judge.

It is a case that has brought to prominence the latest youth prank to sweep America – the American equivalent of the Happy Slapping craze which swept the UK three years ago.

Known as "Fire in the Hole", after the warning shouted by soldiers and Marines as they chuck a grenade into an enemy bunker, the attacks usually feature teenaged boys, who order a bit extra as they drive up to a fast-food joint and then throw it back through the server's window.

If they remember, they shout "Fire in the Hole!" as they do so.

The Florida case happened on July 25 when Jessica Ceponis, a fast food worker at the Taco Bell in Merritt Island, east of Orlando, had a 32oz cup of soda thrown back in her face.

Unfortunately for her attackers, Ms Ceponis, 23, heard from her customers that a video of the prank had been posted on YouTube. She used the site to trace the two boys via their MySpace accounts and befriended them online.

"They were bragging about what they had done and how funny it was," Ms Ceponis said, according to report on USA Today.

After confirming that they were indeed behind the attack, Mrs Ceponis tracked down one of the boys' mothers and got the name of the other boy from her.

The 16-year-old driver who threw the drink and a 15-year-old who filmed him were charged with two counts each of battery and one count of criminal mischief.

In addition, to the apology video, the two boys were sentenced to 100 hours each of community service and ordered to pay $30 each to the restaurant in cleaning fees. To avoid them getting criminal records, the charges will be dropped when they have fulfilled the judge's orders.

The video shows the two boys preparing for a Fire in the Hole attack before deciding against it at the last minute. It also shows them handcuffed and face down on the bonnet of their car as a sign of what might have happened had they gone through with the attack.

But Ms Ceponis said she was worried that the boys would be treated as heroes because of the apology video. "They'll be laughing about it in a year or so," she said.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Strange sex laws

They're surprising. They're baffling. And, often, they're downright stupid. These laws about sex and sexuality defy explanation.

In London, it's illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle.

In Tibet, many years ago, the law required all women prostitute themselves. This was seen as a way to gain sexual experience prior to marriage.

"Female breasts," according to the Arizona Supreme Court, don't constitute "private parts" under state law.

The Asiatic Huns punished convicted male rapists and adulterers with castration. Female adulterers were merely cut in two.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

The T'ang Dynasty Empress Wu Hu passed a special law concerning oral sex. She felt that a woman pleasuring a man represented the supremacy of the male over the female. Therefore, she insisted all visiting male dignitaries show their respect by pleasuring her orally when meeting. The empress would throw open her robe and her guest would kneel before her and kiss her genitals.

In London, it's illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle.

There is, in fact, an Illinois law that prohibits a number of things—one of which is a public erection, another is nude dancing. The prohibition against the public erection has never been challenged in the Supreme Court, but the prohibition against nude dancing has.

In 100 A.D., the Teutons, an Germanic tribe, would punish anyone caught as a prostitute by suffocating them in excrement.

The vow of a Roman vestal virgin lasted 30 years. If she engaged in sex before then, she was punished by being buried alive.

In 17th century Spain, it was illegal for anyone other than a woman's husband to see her bare feet. A woman could freely expose her breasts, but feet were considered sexual and had to be covered in the presence of men other than her husband.

The Romans would crush a first-time rapist's gonads between two stones.

In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom.

The early Christian church forbade couples from having sex on Wednesdays, Fridays and of course, Sundays.

In Pompeii, a special law was directed at prostitutes. They had to dye their hair either blue, red or yellow in order to be able to work.

In Indiana, mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a "tendency to habitually kiss other humans."

Six thousand years ago, Egyptians, the first to punish sex crimes with castration, would completely castrate a male convicted of rape. A women found guilty of adultery would find herself without a nose, the thinking being that without a nose, it would be harder to find someone to share in her adulterous ways.

Up until 1884, a woman could be sent to prison for denying a husband sex.

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception—prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

While not as extreme as the ancient Israelite punishment for adultery (stoning), Greek men still had their fair share of discomfort when their pubic hair was removed and a large radish was shoved up their rectum.

In Alabama, it's against the law for a man to seduce "a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage."

In Nepal, Bangladesh and Macao it is against the law to view movies containing simulated lovemaking or the pubic area of men and women. The law also does not allow kisses to be shown in any film that includes actors from these three countries.

It's illegal to have sex with a corpse anywhere in the United States.

An 18th century French prostitute could be spared punishment if she were willing to join the opera.

There are men in Guam whose full-time job it is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Why? Under the law in Guam, it is forbidden for virgins to marry.

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover may be killed in any manner desired.

An 18th century French prostitute could be spared punishment if she were willing to join the opera.

In Mississippi, S & M is against the law. Specifically, "The depiction or description of flagellation or torture by or upon a person who is nude or in undergarments or in a bizarre or revealing costume for the purpose of sexual gratification."

During the Middle Ages, if you were guilty of bestiality you'd be burned at the stake, along with the other party to your crime.

As recently as 1990, these states had laws against the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington D.C.

In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.

In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.

An excerpt from Kentucky state legislation: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club."

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington, D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

In Michigan a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.

It is illegal for any member of the Nevada legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session.

In Ventura County, California cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

Under Lebanese law, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is expressly forbidden.

A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.

Women can sell items and be topless in Liverpool, England—but only in tropical fish stores.

In the state of Texas it is a misdemeanor if two men engage in oral and or anal sex. The same law does'nt apply to men and women engaging in the same activity with each other.

In Romboch, Virginia, it is illegal to engage in sexual activity with the lights on.

In the state of Utah, sex with an animal—unless performed for profit—is not considered sodomy and therefore is legal.

Anywhere in the U.S., it's illegal to use any live endangered species (except for insects) in public or private sexual displays, shows or exhibits depicting cross-species sex.

In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.

It is illegal for a man and woman to have sex "on the steps of any church after the sun goes down" in Birmingham, England.

In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances (including the wedding night).

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper.

It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.

Sodomy laws have been repealed—or are ignored—in most states, but not Georgia, where a man was sentenced to five years in prison for engaging in oral sex. With his wife. With her consent. In their home.

An Oklahoma state representative once proposed a bill requiring that a man explain the dangers of pregnancy and obtain a woman's written consent before the two could legally engage in sexual intercourse.

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you—or holding you in his arms.

Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown—if they're nude.

In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. The beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds.

The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude, nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer.

A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job—for men only—called a corset inspector.)

In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

A law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

Lovers in Liberty Comer, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while frolicking behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, the couple can face a jail term.

Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio—the thinking is that a man might see the reflection of something he shouldn't.

In Texas, no one other than a "registered pharmacist" may sell condoms or other kinds of contraceptives "on the streets or other public places." No, not even physicians. Anyone who tries to make a few extra bucks doing this will be severely prosecuted for the dire act of "unlawfully practicing medicine."

Kentucky and Idaho limit condom sales to medical practitioners and licensed pharmacists, but their license to sell the items may not be hung on a wall where it can be seen by customers.

Maine licenses condom sellers and the license must always be on public display.

Nevada, with 35 legal bordellos, has no condom problem. The use of condoms in Nevada brothels is compulsory.

Both Indiana and Ohio have laws that prohibit male skating instructors from having sexual relations with their female students. This misdeed, called "the seduction of female students," is prosecuted as a felony. This statute applies only to male teachers. It seems female skating instructors may have sex with male students

Thursday, May 15, 2008


OK, this is just nuts. I guess MILEY CYRUS was in a GOT MILK ad and some perverts are out there searching for it because they figure it is sexually loaded. I guess Elementary School just let out and all the silly tweens perverted pedofiles have decided to search for MILEY CYRUS SEX TAPE because they wanted to spank da monkey to her ugly milk covered mug.

I guess this all arose from MILEY CYRUS hanging out with Sex tape star Kim Kardashian. Go figure.

Here is something else I found on the topic which pretty much echo's how I feel The Source is http://watchtvsitcoms.blogspot.com

Miley Cyrus Sex Tape

You pervert! How dare you even consider reading about the Miley Cyrus Sex Tape?

There is no Miley Cyrus sex tape for three more years. Until then, you can see her GOT MILK ad:


I am not going to post it here because most people would consider it perverted. But even more scary is how many people are searching for the Miley Cyrus Sex Tape today...

I could sit here all night and make jokes about how stupid Miley Cyrus is. Like, they asked her what the capital of California is, and she said "C".

Or how she was on the plane with the Pope and there were only 2 parachutes. Miley jumps out of the plane, and the pilot and the Pope argue about who gets the last parachute. The Pope says not to worry because Miley jumped out with his briefcase. Of course, this joke doesn't make any sense because the Pope doesn't carry a briefcase - he keeps the Vaseline and condoms in his cape!

I am not going to sit here and continue to make jokes about how Miley Cyrus is an idiot, because I will just end up with a whole bunch of hate mail. So I will make tasteless jokes about her:

What has 10,000 arms, 10,000 legs, 5,000 heads, and an IQ of 8?
5,000 fans at a Miley Cyrus concert!

You know what, forget it. I can't write any jokes about her that don't involve how much of a stupid redneck she is. I mean, she went on the Jay Leno show and drank ketchup from the bottle like it was water! I don't even know what to say. Oh yes, it is bad etiquette to drink ketchup from the bottle - you can only eat it with fried squirrel!

Sunday, May 4, 2008


OK, this is just screaming for some Monkey Poop. Apparently a bunch of basement dwelling virgins have deemed May 4th Starwars day... Something to do with "May the Fourth be with you"
Come on people, it was a movie about a guy in an ape costume and a robot made out of tin cans and a few flashing Christmas tree bulbs!!! I guess I can give them 1 Monkey poop credit for the cheesy usage of Fourth instead of force and a kind of pathetic attempt to get layed... But that is it. Time to get out of your parents basement people. This is the time of your you can dress up like dorks and go out to meet others of your kind.

4 out of 5 Flying monkey turds for the wiener who thought up Star Wars Day.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Chad Kroeger (Turton) and Paris Hilton - Siamese Twins Separated at Birth

Ya ok, sounds a little far fetched but think about it. Two whinny little prissy asses who think they can buy their way out of anything they do wrong. Both of them got drunk and sat behind the wheel of their car. Both were busted, both bitched moaned and complained about their punishments.

The thing is, at least Paris Hilton did spend a few days in the can, ok so she puked and played sick to try and get out. Chad Kroeger, on the other hand, was just issued a $600 fine as well as 1 year prohibition from driving. So what does little Chaddy do? He gets his Lawyer to whine and bitch about it. Apparently it is unfair for him because he has to drive into Vancouver from his Abbotsford Ranch. Oh come on, you have a fucking recording studio in a converted barn and you have more than enough money to pay someone to drive you. For that matter, have one of the other band members drive you... Maybe your Fiance can sit behind the wheel as you sit in the passenger seat. Oh but of course not, Little Chad is too good for that...

Hey Chad, I hear Paris Hilton is looking for a new best friend. It seems like you two have alot in common, why not try out.

And to think, I used to listen to Nickelback, Chad's recent actions make me embarrassed to admit to that fact.

5/5 Piles of Goopy Monkey Poop for Chad's Stupidity

Monday, April 21, 2008

Stop the Insanity...

OK, so how did I start out my morning today.... Well, aside from a wonderful bowel movement, my eyes were tortured by some more skank photo's of up and coming popskankette, Miley Cyrus. Poop Billy Ray must have one helluva Achey Breaky head right about now. First, his 15 year old daughter decides to post some underwear pics on the internet for all the perv's of the world to see. Then she starts hanging out with 20 some odd year old Hollyskank (all beit sexy Hollyskank) Lindsay Lohan.

I guess, Lindsay Lohan's Naked Magazine pictures gave Miley something to think about and she came out with some even more pictures which show she is definately on her way to getting pregnant at 16 or getting her own brand new breast from Hollywood Boob Mart.