... and we are merely monkey's

Congratulations, you just wasted 23 1/2 seconds of your lifeSo what is MonkeyGuano, you may ask... Well thank you for asking. A Monkey is a primate from which all humans originated, unless of course you believe that apple and horny Teenager story. And Guano, well that is Poop, particularly the poop of Birds and Bats, but I stole it for monkey's. After all, if Paris Hilton can make an album, Monkey's can sure as hell squirt a little Guano out of their ass.Oh, I guess that really didn't answer your question... OK 42.Cheers,

Friday, December 4, 2009


Oh for christ sakes, it seems the Internet has gone all batty with people looking for pictures of Myley Cyrus's new tattoo... or in this case, her first tattoo. Really people, what is the big deal, so Myley Cyrus has the words, "Just Breathe" tattoed under her left breast and the world goes nuts. Com on Myley, could you not have come up with a better thing to put for your first tattoo? I dunno, maybe "Me Ma made a skank" or "slut tag".
All the same, here is a picture of Miley Cyrus's new Tattoo.

File under

STUPID - miley cyrus tattoo pictures miley cyrus tattoo, miley cyrus, miley cyrus first tattoo, miley cyrus tattoo on her stomach, mylie cyrus tattoo

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Grady Sizemore Leaked Email Pictures to Girlfriend

What can I say about Grady Sizemore, first of all, I regret having to look for his recent mirror front photo shoot. Secondly, I am glad he had the forethought to bring a coffee cup with him.... some things would just require far too much therapy.

Anyways, there seems to be an increased search... well a search at all is amazing enough, for pictures of Grady Sizemore. Particularly the pictures Grady Sizemore took of himself in front of a mirror pretty much naked. Honestly, thinking up creative ways to insert the important keywords regarding the leaked / stolen Grady Sizemore naked photo's which he sent to his ex girlfriend and Playboy model Brittany Binger is making me nauseous.

On that note, let's switch topics to naked pictures of Brittany Binger. At least Brittany Binger had the forethought to dump Grady Sizemore... perhaps the mirror pictures were the last straw. Either way, the knob gobbling community is bouncing for joy whilst throwing their tiara's in the air, so here ya go spank away... or whatever you do, to the semi naked pictures of Grady Sizemore... The things I do for Internet Traffic.

If you are like me and need to get these semi nude Grady Sizemore pictures out of your mind, Click here for naked pictures of Brittany Binger... if you are so inclined.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

BALLOON BOY - Almost a Darwin Award

The world seems fascinated by this whole Balloon Boy thing. Personally, I think the parents of Balloon boy should be up for a Darwin Award or at least honorable mention.

As the story goes, six year old Falcon Heene (Balloon Boy) of Larimer County Colorado was playing around in his fathers oversized home made balloon. Balloon Boy's father, Richard Heene, used the balloon to track the weather.

Balloon Boy's father said he got angry with Falcon Heene (Balloon Boy) for climbing into a compartment in the tethered balloon on Thursday before the balloon was accidentally released. However, Falcon Heene (Balloon Boy) had left the balloon and hid in the attic of their garage because he was scared of his father. 'He yelled at me' said Balloon Boy in an interview after the Balloon landed in a field full of rescue workers without Balloon Boy in it.

The silver balloon, made by the Balloon Boy's father, reportedly reached heights of 7,000ft and floated about 40 miles north of Denver before it came down in a field full of rescuers, sans Balloon Boy.

When the Balloon landed, the basket was not attached to the balloon. Understandably, flights at Denver international airport were disrupted by the Balloon Boy incident.

No strangers to seeking out the limelight, The Heene family had apparently previously appeared on the ABC reality show Wife Swap. ABC described them as a "storm-chasing, science-obsessed family".

As a result of this Balloon Boy incident a massive search and rescue operation was undertaked when it was thought Balloon Boy had been carried away by a helium balloon. After a 2 hour highly televised rescue operation, Falcon Heene (Balloon Boy) was discovered hiding in a box in his family's attic, after the balloon deflated and landed in a dirt field after a two-hour flight. Larimer county sheriff Jim Alderden told reporters that apparently Falcon Heene had "been there the whole time". "What he said was that he saw his brother climb into that apparatus and he was very adamant, they interviewed him multiple times and that was his consistent story," Mr Alderden said "I can't tell you how many times this has happened over the course of my career," he added.

The drama was played out on TV, with US networks devoting their airtime to live footage of the balloon over Colorado. After being found in the attic Balloon Boy said "I was in the attic and he scared me because he yelled at me, that's why I went in the attic."

Sunday, September 13, 2009

PARIS HILTON Down in History

I had to do a double take when I read this headline

Hilton's wisdom put in book of quotations

For a minute I thought the dumb shit actually managed to write a book of "Wisdom according to Paris." Being the whore she is, I'm sure it isn't far away.

Regardless, the article was about how quote by Bibmo Heiress Paris Hilton and Clueless Sarah Palin have made it into the

"Oxford Book of Quotations." Paris' contribution leaves generations with the knowledge that having money does not equal having a brain with her now famous line "Dress cute wherever you go, life is too short to blend in." .

When she heard about being included in the Oxford book of Quotations, Paris Hilton said on her Twitter Page "So cool that I have a quote in the dictionary." Ya, ok Paris.

As for Sarah Palin, the US Voters will once again be reminded of the close call they had in the 2008 2009 US General Election, when the woman who said "What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick." wasnot voted in as Vice President of the United States.

Since Paris Hilton made it, how about adding me
"All the World's Indeed a Cage and we are merely monkey's"
It kind of explains the Media fascination with Paris Hilton, doesn't it...

Monday, August 24, 2009

Beyond Hope... British Columbia

Actually, this story comes from right in Hope British Columbia. I guess I find the over curious just a slight bit beyond hope.

Regardless, unless you are living under a rock or don't listen to the news, you have probably heard the story about Ryan Jenkins and Jasmine Fiore. If not, here is the 30 second recap. a week ago Friday, Ryan Jenkins reports his wife (or ex wife) missing. The next day, police find Jasmine Fiore's mutilate body in a suitcase which had been tossed into a dumpster... or trash receptical as the police report said.

After that, the geeknet went nuts with people searching for everything from Naked Pictures of Jasmine Fiore, Jasmine Fiore's Playboy pictures, and of course the obligatory and quite fvcking morbid Jasmine Fiore death pictures. Come on people, has the world become so immune to suffering that everyone wants to see pictures of a mutilated dead person? I blame video games and Clive Barker.

Immediately after Jasmine Fiore's body was found, police went searching for Ryan Jenkins. In true Phil Spectre style, Ryan Jenkins was nowhere to be found. For a week police tried to hunt him down. Even "Dog the Bounty Hunter" offered to join in the search (All for the publicity of course.)

Now onto Hope. Hope British Columbia is a small piss ant town just east of Vancouver, British Columbia, Yes, the host city for the fricking 2010 Olympic Winter Games. With a population of about... ah who gives a crap it is small and most of the population consists of drunkin' Indians anyways. So of course, that makes it the perfect place for some reality TV show dork to hide. So that is what Ryan Jenkins did for about a week. He hid in Hope British Columbia.

Well, apparently something happened and Ryan Jenkins no longer has to hide. He either committed suicide or it was made to look like he hung himself. Whatever the case, Ryan Jenkins was found hanging by his neck in the Thunderbird Motel in Hope British Columbia. Perhaps they can now name it the Ryan Jenkins room and all those sick fvcks looking for pictures of Ryan Jenkins hanging dead from a noose can rent it out to wack off to Jasmine Fiore pictures in. Seriously people, what the fvck is wrong with you? Did you fall on your head as a child?

My prediction is, next everyone will be hunting for the Ryan Jenkins Suicide note... if he could spell, he was a reality TV star after all.

Related Links

Vancouver 2010 Blog
The Hunt for Jasmine Fiore's Killer
Ryan Jenkins found dead in Hope BC Motel Room

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Geriatric Rock, Steven Tyler, George Sodini Blog Link and more

I haven't really posted in this blog lately, but the news items of the last few days really make me shake my head.

First the world is all up in arms because Paula Abdul rejected some 8 figure salary and left American Idol. Of course, newcomer hottie Kara DioGuardi is back for another swing at the American Idol Judges booth. There are those who feel Kara DioGuardi was brought in to replace aging has been pop star Paula Abdul. At the end of the day, who gives a crap. More Here

Next is a sad story about a shooting at an LA Fitness in Bridgeville PA. A few things caught my attention on this one. First of all, some blogger in India was fast on the ball, posting the news item within an hour of the first body falling from the bullet of psycho looser George Sodini. It wasn't the speed as much as the lack of observation. Yes, the massacre occured at an LA Fitness, but this does not mean it happened in California. Easy mistake I guess. It just goes to show us bloggers need to be more careful on the news we gather and post. More here

On the topic of George Sodini and the innocent lives he took. Shortly after the LA Fitness shooting, authorities found a link to George Sodini's online blog on his website. You see, this psycho nutbag had been planning the shooting for quite sometime. He even attempted his "plan" back on January 6th, 2009. Oddly enough, at the exact same time. 8:15 PM. The really sad part is, there are people looking for the link to George Sodini's Blog. Personally, I read his drivel, and at the end of all his complaining and finger pointing, George Sodini requested readers post his blog in its' entirety so his words would "live on forever." I don't know about you, but this is where it comes down to Blogger Social Responsibility, I refuse to give this psycho killer his last request. After all, his victims did not have a chance to let their thoughts be known. They are dead now and it is all George Sodini's fault. More Here

Moving on and on a lighter note wannabe sugarbaby/trophy wife, Megan Hauserman is taking another stab at the Reality TV market with her own show entitled "Megan Wants A Millionaire." According to an interview, "he doesn't have to be rich." Ya, ok this just sounds like another Chicken of the sea incident. Hot but dumb as a bucket of rocks. Read more

Somehow Megan Hauserman is a perfect seguay into the next topic, with every you sexy gold digging harlet, is the aging rockstar. So this brings us to Aerosmith frontman, Steven Tyler. So what did he do this time? During an Aerosmith performance at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in western South Dakota early Thursday morning, the Geriatric Rocker fell off the stage. You know, I couldn't make this shit up.

Apparently the power went out or there was some sort of issue with the sound system so what does the old man do? Well, in true old man trying to act young style, Steven Tyler decided to "Dance" around the stage. We all know white men can't dance, particularly this honkey. Anyways, the inevitable happened when Steven Tyler was up on a catwalk he slipped and fell backwards. Security quickly rushed in to help the aging rocker who was quickly taken backstage. Shortly after that, Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry came out and announced Steven Tyler was taken to the hospital and they would not be able to continue with the show. According to Hospital Reports, Steven Tyler suffered minor head and neck injuries and a shoulder injury.

On the topic of music, or at least people who think they are musicians, how can anyone miss the recent release of Naked Vanessa Hudgens pictures. Yes, the Disney star did it again. Even after her claim to have learned from her previous naked picture release, Vanessa Hudgens let the world see her pooter yet one more time. One has to wonder if this is simply another publicity stunt designed to get as much attention as possible. If so, it worked. Read more on the Naked Vanessa Hudgens photo Scandal here

Speaking of naked chicks, a few months after the firestorm of search activity around Demi Moore's Bush, the internet searchers want more. For a couple of days, there was a fury of activity around a reported photo of Demi Moore ironing naked which was posted on Twitter by her husband, Ashton Kutcher. Way to go Kutch, quit bragging already. More Here

Of course, who could miss the massive amount of activity around poor ESPN Sportscaser Erin Andrews, who had a naked peeping tom video of herself plastered all over the internet. The attention around Erin Andrews got so fierce, she even had to call 911 on the Paparazzi. The funny part of this all is, the 911 operator did not even know who Erin Andrews was. Perhaps she was in a Call Centre in India. At the end of the call, Erin Andrews lamented "I'm being treated like fvcking Britney Spears" Read more here

And now... as if the Internet was not already burning up, Hurricane Felicia is gathering strength and heading towards Hawaii. So what does this mean people??? Well, within a few days, the search term Hurricane Felicia and Hawaii will be hotter than the search for Pictures of Michael Jackson's Ghost hanging out with the Ghost of Elvis. If you are interested in keeping an eye on Hurricane Felicia as it heads towards Hawaii, check out the Hurricane Tracker

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Jennifer McDaniel, Hulk Hogan's new Brooke Hogan Look-alike

Recent news has wrestler / reality TV Monkey Hulk Hogan tag teaming up with Jennifer McDaniel in a one on one tage team in the bedroom. Hulk Hogan who recently went through a bitter much televised divorce with his ex wife was seen bouncing around the ocean with what appears to be a slight look-alike to his daughter Brooke Hogan, at least that is what some online sources are saying.

Ex wife Linda isn't all to far away with crazy dating choices as she is dating 20-year-old Charley Hill. Perhaps she met Charley when her daughter Brooke was tutoring him back in Elementary School.

Here are some more pictures of Jennifer McDaniel

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Girl killed by Laptop

Let me start out by saying, this is truly a sad situation, however, it does deserve mention in this blog and perhaps a submission to the Darwin Awards.

It seems a young girl in Romania zapped herself because she plugged her laptop into the wall WHILE IN THE BATH TUB. Do I really have to say anything else about it? Here is the article:

Maria Barbu, 17, of Brasov, Romania, is said to have been plugging her laptop into wall current at the time, after "the battery died during a long session on social networking site Twitter as she took a soak."

Additional details are lacking, and are unlikely to be forthcoming anytime soon. And it's unclear whether the laptop slipped from her hands or if she was so wet that the water dripping off of her closed the circuit and caused the shock.

Either way, any technology user should know by now that computers and bathrooms simply don't mix. (If you aren't worried about electrocution, think of the germs, won't you?) While GFCI circuits were designed to prevent tragedies such as the all-too-common hair-dryer-in-the-tub accident, they aren't perfect, and they aren't universal, especially overseas.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Perez Hilton Assault or Publicity Stunt

In another desperate grasp for attention, obnoxious celebrity blog ferry Perez Hilton has started his own little twitter frenzy.

Only a few days after the Lindsay Lohan Twitter breast picture thingy, Perez Hilton decided to use his Twitter account to publicize an apparent assault. Whether or not Will.I.Am from the Black Eyed Peas really did beat the crap out of Perez Hilton or not, the world sure is looking for information on it.

Here is the apparent dialogue from Perez Hilton's Twitter

"I'm in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please."

"I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please I need to file a police report. No joke."

"Still waiting for the police. The bleeding has stopped. I need to document this. Please can the police come to the SoHo Met Hotel."

Aside from the obvious stupidity of "Why did he not call the police" the question of how can a person in shock know they are in shock and be lucid enough to send Twitter messages. Shit, he even capitalized the letters which needed to be capped. I can't believe I am even glorifying his stupidity by posting this

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Shawn Johnson - Feeding the Pedofiles and Pervs

It is not surprising since US Olympian SHAWN JOHNSON WON DANCING WITH THE STARS LAST NIGHT that todays hot serch trends rotate around PICTURES OF SHAWN JOHNSON IN A BIKINI and SEXY PICTURES OF SHAWN JOHNSON. The thing people seem to be forgetting (or maybe not) SHAWN JOHNSON has not yet graduated from highschool.

I guess main stream media, marketing consultants, managers, TV Producers and of course SHAWN JOHNSON's parents have effectively narrowed the gap between acceptable and perversion by putting a 17 year old child on the stage with her breasts close to hanging out. It is no small wonder how SHAWN JOHNSON's dance partner Mark Ballas had a hard time keeping it in his pants a few weeks ago when he was sporting an obvious erection over his jailbait partner SHAWN JOHNSON (See MARK BALLAS ERECTION)

Add to this the freekbag stalker who was slammed with a restraining order after he broke into the DANCING WITH THE STARS set to see SHAWN JOHNSON, all because he felt the teenaged star was "Talking to him through the TV set". Of course that situation most likely involves a lapse in medication, the fact remains, SHAWN JOHNSON is being rapidly pushed into the adult world and the search terms are proof. One has to wonder when SHAWN JOHNSON will get her silicon boobs and when she will have a Britney Spearsesque breakdown.

For those of you still interested in SEXY PICTURES OF SHAWN JOHNSON

Monday, April 13, 2009

Polar Bear Food

A story out of Berlin Germany just screams "What were you thinking?"
Reports have a woman climbing over the POLAR BEAR enclosure in the Berlin Zoo on Friday and subsequently being ATTACKED BY THE CARNIVOROUS POLAR BEARS. Well, umm yah!!! Stupid fat woman, what was she thinking. I feel sorry for the poor zoo employee's who had to try and pull this fat walrus out of the Polar Bear cage while the Polar Bears continued to grab at her ample ass.

Authorities are unsure why the woman jumped into the Polar Bear cage. I have a theory... because she is stupid.

Here is a video of the BERLIN ZOO POLAR BEAR ATTACK

Related Links

The Whole story of the Polar Bear attack

Friday, April 10, 2009

The epidomy of being useless in the kitchen - How to Cook HARD BOILED EGGS

This one really made me chuckle. I guess I shouldn't be cruel towards those who did not grow up in a household where home cooked meals were a staple and learning how to cook was done through some sort of mother son osmosis. The thing is, only days before the biggest egg based holiday in the western world the Internet is a-buzz with people looking for HARD BOILED EGG RECIPE'S... Is it just me or this just a little strange. I guess this is just a sign of the fast food buy your groceries at Raunchy McBarfs era.

Just so ya know

Hard Boiled Eggs

- Take a pot
- put sufficient water to cover the eggs in the pot (Preferably not toilet water)
- put pot with water on stove burner
- Turn the stove burner on high
- wait until water boils (That is when big bubbles form)
- slowly put eggs into the water. Careful do not drop them as they may crack
- Turn temperature down slightly to medium
- set timer for about 12 minutes for hard boiled
- when the timer makes its noise, take the pot off the stove and put in sink.

Once the eggs are cooled you can paint them. Careful not to use lead based or house hold paints. Food Colouring works or you can buy an egg painting kit at the grocery store (That is the place down the street from McDonalds)

Thursday, April 9, 2009


On the topic of Monkey's in cages, albeit a sexy monkey, pop tart BRITNEY SPEARS made headlines last night as she walked off stage at her VANCOUVER SHOW, because of smoke. Some reports have her upset about the smell of BC Bud, while others mention the above stage crew getting sick from the smell of tobacco.

Two things which kind of spring out on this one. First of all, smoking indoors in BC is illegal and secondly, BRITNEY SPEARS is a smoker herself. Unless of course she has quite since that famous picture of her sucking on a fag with her children within the second hand smoke region.

Whatever the case, BRITNEY SPEARS narrowly missed causing a RIOT AT HER VANCOUVER CONCERT as irate fans started yelling and booing as her smoke induced protest lasted around 30 minutes as fans (the electric variety) worked feverishly to clear the air in Vancouver's GM Place of smoke so Britney could be happy.

This incident brings up an interesting point. I wonder if bands and venue's will now start to be more vigilant on the smoking indoors during a concert issue...

Thursday, April 2, 2009

SECRET SOCIETIES, Conspiracy Theories, Illuminati and Freemasons

As a Freemason in good standing, I always get a chuckle out of this whole "SECRET SOCIETY" world domination conspiracy theory. This morning, while going through my usual search for all things of interest, I ran across the search term "SECRET SOCIETY". I figured I should do a post on the topic if for nothing other than my own amusement.

I have a long time friend who subscribes to many of these CONSPIRACY THEORIES regarding SECRET SOCIETIES including the Illuminati, Freemasons and some wacked out thing about the WORSHIP OF AN OWL. Any time the subject comes up he is very quick to pull out a US DOLLAR BILL or quote some asinine theory. The thing is, this ability to think freely is what being a Free Born Human is all about. Crazy as it may be, he has the right to fell the way he does, just as I have the right to laugh my ass off anytime the topic comes up.

I also like to watch the TV Series LOST, it seems the deep down fans of LOST are speculating a tie between the TV show and a SECRET SOCIETY known as the NINE UNKNOWN MEN. It is a TV show people, this is not reality. Big Brother is just as staged as the WWF. I know this is kind of off topic, in my defence, I have not had my first cup of coffee yet.

So what is the purpose of this post, you may ask... Well, honestly, I really don't know. I will not stoop to the level of defending the aspects of FREEMASONRY, nor do I really want to get into the various CONSPIRACY THEORIES out there. I guess it is just a bunch of textual masturbation.

Oh ya, one last thing. If you are still wandering around searching for the Meaning of life... It is 42, so stop wondering and start enjoying what this wonderderful life has to offer.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fools Joke Spoiler

OK, so the internet has gone viral with the search for DiHydrogen Monoxide. So what is DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE, on a cellular level it is 2 Hydrogen Atoms and 1 Oxygen... hmmmm now what does that remind you of Hx2 + Ox1 hmmmmm H2O in other words water. So this whole .

Far more dangerous than Co2 is a substance known as dihydrogen monoxide. This stuff is a real killer. Oceano Beach is loaded with it, and there are no warning signs.

And beware of the snowy plover. It's body is full of it. As a matter of fact, the fourth leading cause of death in the U.S. is due to its ingestion. It can eat away steel and in its solid form can bring cities to a standstill.



It seems DANCING WITH THE STARS star, MARK BALLAS could not hide his "excitement" last night as he stood behind SHAWN JOHNSON sporting a and obvious BONER. From the PICTURE below, it is quite apparent by the extra volume in his groin region, The much older MARK BALLAS has an ERRECTION over 17 year old dance partner SHAWN JOHNSON.

No stranger to scary old men being sexually attracted to her, 17 year old SHAWN JOHNSON recently had a restraining order issued against another stalker who broke into the DANCING WITH THE STARS set because he felt SHAWN JOHNSON was talking to him through the TV. Producers are unsure how SHAWN JOHNSON's parents feel about the recent development in the crotch of MARK BALLAS as he demonstrates little Marks' appreciation for SHAWN JOHNSON in the form of an ERECTION.


Perhaps MARK BALLAS should consider Spankin' his monkey before the show from now on.

Friday, March 27, 2009

DANIELLE LLOYD - Cell phones and topless photo's

And to think, I thought Paris Hilton had the trademark on being a stupid twat and leaving suggestive pictures on her cellphone and then loosing it. Well, that isn't exactly what happened to DANIELLE LLOYD but it was close.

It appears the ex-playboy model who has showed her breasts to millions is claiming mental anguish or something silly like that because some monkey in a cell phone shop sold a TOPLESS PICTURE OF DANIELLE LLOYD he found on a cellphone DANIELLE LLOYD returned.

the sexy TOPLESS MODEL, DANIELLE LLOYD is asking for £50,000 in her writ. Although there is a definate claim for breach of trust, how stupid can a person be... Is Danielle really naive enough to believe any warm blooded straight male would not take advantage of finding naked pictures of someone as famous as herself??? I guess she could have been looking for a lawsuit since her career took a dumper after the Big Brother Racism contraversy.





Here is the original story:

Danielle Lloyd is suing a phone company after one of its workers allegedly downloaded explicit photos from her mobile.

The former Miss England left the phone at her local branch of Carphone Warehouse, where one of the staff viewed the images and made copies, a High Court writ states. Danielle, who appeared with Jade Goody in the controversial series of Celebrity Big Brother, is suing Carphone Warehouse and employee Deepak Jagpal.

Mr Jagpal is accused of taking copies of the pictures, including intimate surgery shots, when the model bought a new mobile.

She was told to leave her old phone so all the data could be transferred, and collect it later the same day.

The incident took place last September and the company says it apologised as soon as it was made aware of the matter.

Mr Jagpal no longer works for Carphone Warehouse.

A spokesman for the company said: "The download of customer content is entirely unacceptable and we can confirm that this content was not published. When the matter was brought to our attention we immediately conducted an investigation and the employee is no longer working within the business. Their actions are not indicative of our usual standard of service and we absolutely apologise to Ms Lloyd."

Danielle's writ makes a claim of up to £50,000 for breach of contract and invasion of privacy.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Ya ok, so I put a picture of a black woman on a page that talks about monkeys. Before everyone starts jumping up and down screaming, WE ARE ALL MONKEYS'

Everyone seems to want to LISTEN TO LATREASA LESHAE GOODMAN and her MCDONALDS 911 CALL about McDonalds being out of Chicken McNuggets. Goodman says in her defense she was called to report a theft, not just that they were out of her desired meal.“Satisfying each and every customer that visits our restaurants is very important to us. Regarding this isolated incident, we apologize for the inconvenience caused. In the event that we are unable to fill an order, a customer should be offered the choice of a full refund or alternative menu items. We regret that in this instance, that wasn’t the case. We want to correct our mistake. We will be sending the customer her refund, along with an Arch card for a complimentary meal on us. We never want to disappoint a McNuggets fan or any McDonald’s customer. Customer satisfaction is our top priority.

Carlos Solorzano
McDonald’s Operations Manager Florida Region

Latreasa Leshae Goodman said she went to McDonalds for Chicken McNuggets, paid, and then was told they were out, couldn’t reportedly have a refund, but could have a McDouble.

That’s when she called 911 three times. Above is one tape local police are releasing to send a message to citizens of what 911 is, and isn’t, to be used for.

Goodman to 911:

“This is an emergency, if I would have known they didn’t have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one, this is an emergency!”

Monday, February 23, 2009

World Financial Crisis 101

A German publication recently published a tongue-in-cheek article on the current world financial crisis aka "The R-Word". This article points out how people were spending outside of their needs and how banks, credit card companies and other lenders were feeding the fire.

Even stranger, governments are now suggesting we "buy our way out of the recession"... hmm interesting thought, since everyone is mortgaged up to their assholes with no real way of paying off their debts unless they turn to prostitution or selling drugs and the government is suggesting they spend more.... More what, that plastic "money" that doesn't really exist???

You can read more about the moronic "Buy your way out of the recession" scheme politicians are suggesting here

This article has been translated into English.

World Financial Crisis 101

In a place called' Global Village' is a pub managed by an owner named Sam, who thinks he is very smart indeed. To increase consumption in his establishment he announces that he will run a tab for his local drinkers, who are predominantly unemployed alcoholics. This practice receives, of course, wide publicity and so ever more customers flock to this bar. At the beginning, the customers feel confident that they do not have to worry about looking after their tab and so Sam increases the price of wine and beer (the most heavily consumed beverages). , thereby increasing the turnover dramatically.

The young and dynamic customer advisor of the local bank discovers in these customer obligations a valuable future income potential and raises the line of credit for Sam. He is not concerned too much since he has the tab of the alcoholics as security.

At the bank the top managers assign these customer obligations files names such as "Drunk Fund", Alki-Fund" and "Barf Fund. These papers are then traded around the world. Nobody realized what the names mean and what guaranties cover them, but since these funds keep rising at the market they soon become a runaway product.

One day, even though the funds are still climbing, a risk manager at a bank (since then of course fired for being too negative) suggests that the tabs of the 'alkies' at the pub should be called in for payment. They are, however, unable to pay up. The pub owner, Sam, is not able to pay down his line of credit and has to declare bankruptcy.

"Alki Fund" and "Drunk Fund" lose 95%, "Barf Fund" does a bit better and stabilizes after a loss of 80%. The suppliers to the pub had allowed a longer time for payment on their statements and had as well invested into the funds. The wine supplier goes bankrupt, the beer supplier is bought up by a competitor and the bank gets bailed out by the state.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

BUY YOUR WAY OUT OF THE RECESSION - A new low for Consumer Stupidity

“BUY OUR WAY OUT OF THE RECESSION” This is the short sighted message from many politicians of the day. The point these buerocrats seem to be missing is consumer stupidity is one of the underlying factors in the creation of our current financial meltdown.
For the past few years, I have always said, “Consumer Stupidity is at an all time high” Too many people were borrowing beyond their means just so they could keep up with the Smiths’. From the over inflated consumer driven real estate market to the stock market frenzy consumers were buying up everything they could find because savvy market researchers knew how to pull their strings.

Real Estate agents would say “buy buy buy” bankers were offering sub-prime mortgages and there never seemed to be an end to “Low Interest Introductory Rates” for the biggest Douche Bags of them all… The Credit Card Companies.
Of course, we cannot put all the blame on the sales people, the consumer ultimately made the final decision on whether or not to believe what they were being told. Unfortunately, the average consumer is driven by fear and necessity and the sales people used those liberally when marketing to the Consumer Monkey. And like any well trained monkey, the consumers replied in droves.

The thing which really confuses me is how the government can sit there with a straight face and say to only way out of the recession is to buy our way out. Although the financial logic is there, this only really helps if the consumer spends wisely and does not borrow beyond their means for this recession buy out scheme. Consumers are already facing bankruptcy at an alarming rate and world currency is being strained to proportions not seen since the Great Depression of the 30’s. So before you fall for this “Recession Buy Out” option, ask yourself this. “Do you I have the money to pay off this purchase?” If the answer is no, then JUST SAY NO TO CONSUMER STUPIDITY!!!

Monday, January 26, 2009


In a cross between the Darwin Awards and the Bubba variety show, the promoter of a MONSTER TRUCK event in MADISON WI. died in a tragic accident on Saturday night.

Aside from the obvious stupidity of MONSTER TRUCKS in general, what really makes this story disturbing is how everyone seems to want to watch the MONSTER TRUCK ACCIDENT VIDEO... Maybe for some pointers on their own back yard routine.

The sad part is, earlier this month, a 6 year old boy was killed at a Tacoma Monster Truck show.

he veteran driver whose vehicle killed a promoter at a monster truck show told investigators he never saw the man walk into his path, authorities said.

It was the nation's second fatal accident at a monster truck show in a little over a week.

George Eisenhart Jr. suffered severe internal injuries when he was hit by the huge truck Saturday at the Motor Sports Monster Truck & Thrill Show at the Dane County Coliseum, the coroner said. The show was immediately halted.

The big blue truck with oversize tires was driven by its owner, Daniel Patrick, who authorities said has been a driver on the circuit for more than 20 years.

Amateur video broadcast on television showed a man walking in front of the truck.

"Our preliminary investigation shows neither Eisenhart nor the truck driver saw each other before the collision," Coroner John Stanley said at a news conference Sunday.

Authorities said Patrick would not be charged. Sheriff Dave Mahoney said it appeared all safety precautions had been taken and called the death "a very tragic accident."

Oddly enough, BC ATTORNEY GENERAL, WALLY OPAL, figures an outdated section of the Criminal code making POLYGAMY (Having more than 1 wife) an indictable offence under the Criminal Code of Canada. The thing is, like the same sex marriage laws, the Polygamy law is steeply based on outdated Catholic religious principles.

Since the church was so closely connected to government during the time these laws were created, they did not seem all that out of line at the time. Since then, religious and cultural diversification has created a definite division between the Church and State. In fact, several Courts have indicated the Government has no place in the bedrooms of consenting adults in a Democratic society. A prime example is the overturning of Same Sex Marriage laws in many jurisdictions.

This brings me to the question, what the Fuck is Wally thinking???? That was a rhetorical question by the way. With Courts overturning laws depriving same sex couples the right to wed, what makes Wally Opal think the Courts will not do the very same thing for POLYGAMIST MARRIAGES? In a Radio statement today, WALLY OPAL even went as far to say "Right thinking Citizens will not allow this practice to continue." Is this the same "Right Thinking" group of citizens that previously shunned same sex marriages?

Personally, I feel going after a criminal conviction based on outdated Church based laws is a colossal waste of time. Aside from the Freedom of Religion defense, the BOUNTIFUL POLYGAMISTS have the Gay marriage precedence on their side. I understand the Government wants and needs a conviction against these douche bags, but their current direction will do nothing but bring strength to the whole POLYGAMIST COMMUNITY OF BOUNTIFUL once the POLYGAMIST LAW is overturned and deemed unconstitutional.



Friday, January 2, 2009

Kathy Griffin and the D-Word - The Growing list of Banned Words

I remember as a kid there were certain words which we could not say, or were at least told not to say. In their place we used phrases such as "Mommy, Jimmy said the F-Word." There were several of these words, Fuck was the F Word, Shit is the S word, Cunt is the C word, of in some cases the K-word.

Later in our lives, political correctness came into play and we were told not to say Nigger... unless of course you were black you could say it as a term of endearment or some sort of community building word. To the rest of us, it was to be known as the "N-word" and never to be uttered or suffer the label of a Racist Crackerjack.

As if all these rules were not enough, those lovely people over at CNN and joe broomstick up the ass have all of a sudden created this "D-Word" which, for those not following along, is in reference to DICK, as in Penis, Cock or for those less literate the Male sexual organ.

You see, in the KATHY GRIFFIN ANDERSON COOPER NEW YEARS EVE CNN SPECIAL with ANDERSON COOPER, KATHY GRIFFIN got all pissed off about being heckled and said" SHUT UP, You don't see me coming to your workplace and knocking the DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH" Or something to that extent. So KATHY GRIFFIN SAID DICK, or to some of you KATHY GRIFFIN SAID the D WORD. GET OVER IT

For those who missed it, you can watch the events unfold at KATHY GRIFFIN's BLOG http://suckitjesus.blogspot.com/