... and we are merely monkey's

Congratulations, you just wasted 23 1/2 seconds of your lifeSo what is MonkeyGuano, you may ask... Well thank you for asking. A Monkey is a primate from which all humans originated, unless of course you believe that apple and horny Teenager story. And Guano, well that is Poop, particularly the poop of Birds and Bats, but I stole it for monkey's. After all, if Paris Hilton can make an album, Monkey's can sure as hell squirt a little Guano out of their ass.Oh, I guess that really didn't answer your question... OK 42.Cheers,

Monday, February 23, 2009

World Financial Crisis 101

A German publication recently published a tongue-in-cheek article on the current world financial crisis aka "The R-Word". This article points out how people were spending outside of their needs and how banks, credit card companies and other lenders were feeding the fire.

Even stranger, governments are now suggesting we "buy our way out of the recession"... hmm interesting thought, since everyone is mortgaged up to their assholes with no real way of paying off their debts unless they turn to prostitution or selling drugs and the government is suggesting they spend more.... More what, that plastic "money" that doesn't really exist???

You can read more about the moronic "Buy your way out of the recession" scheme politicians are suggesting here

This article has been translated into English.

World Financial Crisis 101

In a place called' Global Village' is a pub managed by an owner named Sam, who thinks he is very smart indeed. To increase consumption in his establishment he announces that he will run a tab for his local drinkers, who are predominantly unemployed alcoholics. This practice receives, of course, wide publicity and so ever more customers flock to this bar. At the beginning, the customers feel confident that they do not have to worry about looking after their tab and so Sam increases the price of wine and beer (the most heavily consumed beverages). , thereby increasing the turnover dramatically.

The young and dynamic customer advisor of the local bank discovers in these customer obligations a valuable future income potential and raises the line of credit for Sam. He is not concerned too much since he has the tab of the alcoholics as security.

At the bank the top managers assign these customer obligations files names such as "Drunk Fund", Alki-Fund" and "Barf Fund. These papers are then traded around the world. Nobody realized what the names mean and what guaranties cover them, but since these funds keep rising at the market they soon become a runaway product.

One day, even though the funds are still climbing, a risk manager at a bank (since then of course fired for being too negative) suggests that the tabs of the 'alkies' at the pub should be called in for payment. They are, however, unable to pay up. The pub owner, Sam, is not able to pay down his line of credit and has to declare bankruptcy.

"Alki Fund" and "Drunk Fund" lose 95%, "Barf Fund" does a bit better and stabilizes after a loss of 80%. The suppliers to the pub had allowed a longer time for payment on their statements and had as well invested into the funds. The wine supplier goes bankrupt, the beer supplier is bought up by a competitor and the bank gets bailed out by the state.