... and we are merely monkey's

Congratulations, you just wasted 23 1/2 seconds of your lifeSo what is MonkeyGuano, you may ask... Well thank you for asking. A Monkey is a primate from which all humans originated, unless of course you believe that apple and horny Teenager story. And Guano, well that is Poop, particularly the poop of Birds and Bats, but I stole it for monkey's. After all, if Paris Hilton can make an album, Monkey's can sure as hell squirt a little Guano out of their ass.Oh, I guess that really didn't answer your question... OK 42.Cheers,

Monday, April 13, 2009

Polar Bear Food

A story out of Berlin Germany just screams "What were you thinking?"
Reports have a woman climbing over the POLAR BEAR enclosure in the Berlin Zoo on Friday and subsequently being ATTACKED BY THE CARNIVOROUS POLAR BEARS. Well, umm yah!!! Stupid fat woman, what was she thinking. I feel sorry for the poor zoo employee's who had to try and pull this fat walrus out of the Polar Bear cage while the Polar Bears continued to grab at her ample ass.

Authorities are unsure why the woman jumped into the Polar Bear cage. I have a theory... because she is stupid.

Here is a video of the BERLIN ZOO POLAR BEAR ATTACK

Related Links

The Whole story of the Polar Bear attack

Friday, April 10, 2009

The epidomy of being useless in the kitchen - How to Cook HARD BOILED EGGS

This one really made me chuckle. I guess I shouldn't be cruel towards those who did not grow up in a household where home cooked meals were a staple and learning how to cook was done through some sort of mother son osmosis. The thing is, only days before the biggest egg based holiday in the western world the Internet is a-buzz with people looking for HARD BOILED EGG RECIPE'S... Is it just me or this just a little strange. I guess this is just a sign of the fast food buy your groceries at Raunchy McBarfs era.

Just so ya know

Hard Boiled Eggs

- Take a pot
- put sufficient water to cover the eggs in the pot (Preferably not toilet water)
- put pot with water on stove burner
- Turn the stove burner on high
- wait until water boils (That is when big bubbles form)
- slowly put eggs into the water. Careful do not drop them as they may crack
- Turn temperature down slightly to medium
- set timer for about 12 minutes for hard boiled
- when the timer makes its noise, take the pot off the stove and put in sink.

Once the eggs are cooled you can paint them. Careful not to use lead based or house hold paints. Food Colouring works or you can buy an egg painting kit at the grocery store (That is the place down the street from McDonalds)

Thursday, April 9, 2009


On the topic of Monkey's in cages, albeit a sexy monkey, pop tart BRITNEY SPEARS made headlines last night as she walked off stage at her VANCOUVER SHOW, because of smoke. Some reports have her upset about the smell of BC Bud, while others mention the above stage crew getting sick from the smell of tobacco.

Two things which kind of spring out on this one. First of all, smoking indoors in BC is illegal and secondly, BRITNEY SPEARS is a smoker herself. Unless of course she has quite since that famous picture of her sucking on a fag with her children within the second hand smoke region.

Whatever the case, BRITNEY SPEARS narrowly missed causing a RIOT AT HER VANCOUVER CONCERT as irate fans started yelling and booing as her smoke induced protest lasted around 30 minutes as fans (the electric variety) worked feverishly to clear the air in Vancouver's GM Place of smoke so Britney could be happy.

This incident brings up an interesting point. I wonder if bands and venue's will now start to be more vigilant on the smoking indoors during a concert issue...

Thursday, April 2, 2009

SECRET SOCIETIES, Conspiracy Theories, Illuminati and Freemasons

As a Freemason in good standing, I always get a chuckle out of this whole "SECRET SOCIETY" world domination conspiracy theory. This morning, while going through my usual search for all things of interest, I ran across the search term "SECRET SOCIETY". I figured I should do a post on the topic if for nothing other than my own amusement.

I have a long time friend who subscribes to many of these CONSPIRACY THEORIES regarding SECRET SOCIETIES including the Illuminati, Freemasons and some wacked out thing about the WORSHIP OF AN OWL. Any time the subject comes up he is very quick to pull out a US DOLLAR BILL or quote some asinine theory. The thing is, this ability to think freely is what being a Free Born Human is all about. Crazy as it may be, he has the right to fell the way he does, just as I have the right to laugh my ass off anytime the topic comes up.

I also like to watch the TV Series LOST, it seems the deep down fans of LOST are speculating a tie between the TV show and a SECRET SOCIETY known as the NINE UNKNOWN MEN. It is a TV show people, this is not reality. Big Brother is just as staged as the WWF. I know this is kind of off topic, in my defence, I have not had my first cup of coffee yet.

So what is the purpose of this post, you may ask... Well, honestly, I really don't know. I will not stoop to the level of defending the aspects of FREEMASONRY, nor do I really want to get into the various CONSPIRACY THEORIES out there. I guess it is just a bunch of textual masturbation.

Oh ya, one last thing. If you are still wandering around searching for the Meaning of life... It is 42, so stop wondering and start enjoying what this wonderderful life has to offer.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fools Joke Spoiler

OK, so the internet has gone viral with the search for DiHydrogen Monoxide. So what is DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE, on a cellular level it is 2 Hydrogen Atoms and 1 Oxygen... hmmmm now what does that remind you of Hx2 + Ox1 hmmmmm H2O in other words water. So this whole .

Far more dangerous than Co2 is a substance known as dihydrogen monoxide. This stuff is a real killer. Oceano Beach is loaded with it, and there are no warning signs.

And beware of the snowy plover. It's body is full of it. As a matter of fact, the fourth leading cause of death in the U.S. is due to its ingestion. It can eat away steel and in its solid form can bring cities to a standstill.



It seems DANCING WITH THE STARS star, MARK BALLAS could not hide his "excitement" last night as he stood behind SHAWN JOHNSON sporting a and obvious BONER. From the PICTURE below, it is quite apparent by the extra volume in his groin region, The much older MARK BALLAS has an ERRECTION over 17 year old dance partner SHAWN JOHNSON.

No stranger to scary old men being sexually attracted to her, 17 year old SHAWN JOHNSON recently had a restraining order issued against another stalker who broke into the DANCING WITH THE STARS set because he felt SHAWN JOHNSON was talking to him through the TV. Producers are unsure how SHAWN JOHNSON's parents feel about the recent development in the crotch of MARK BALLAS as he demonstrates little Marks' appreciation for SHAWN JOHNSON in the form of an ERECTION.


Perhaps MARK BALLAS should consider Spankin' his monkey before the show from now on.