... and we are merely monkey's

Congratulations, you just wasted 23 1/2 seconds of your lifeSo what is MonkeyGuano, you may ask... Well thank you for asking. A Monkey is a primate from which all humans originated, unless of course you believe that apple and horny Teenager story. And Guano, well that is Poop, particularly the poop of Birds and Bats, but I stole it for monkey's. After all, if Paris Hilton can make an album, Monkey's can sure as hell squirt a little Guano out of their ass.Oh, I guess that really didn't answer your question... OK 42.Cheers,

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Meet an Inmate???

OK, this is fucking nuts. I guess there are some loosers out there wh ofeel their life needs a little more to be complete, so what do they do, they go out searching for an inmate to meet, fuck with or be penpals with.

I really don't know what to say about this, I guess some people have this bad boy or bad girl complex where they need to be involved with someone fucked up beyond belief. This trend became fairly evident to me when search trends for another blog posting of mine regarding Scott Peterson and other death row inmates skyrocketed over the term "death row penpal." It seems there are a number of people, the world over, looking for the companionship of someone who has very little if any respect for human life.

Hottie blogger, Kristi Gustafson, also recently wrote something on the topic of a meet an inmate website making the bottom 10 of useless sites. Although I agree with the stupidity of a site dedicated to finding "friends" for the scum of society, it seems it is at least keeping the inmates busy posting bio's. This is what happens when you give prisoners "rights"

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Tina Sherman Nude McDonalds Cellphone pictures

Has the world gone Nucking futs? So yesterday this story goes viral on the internet. Apparently this guy named Philip Sherman, leaves his cellphone in a McDonalds. Ok, ordinary enough there except it was pretty stupid, he should probably get a belt holder for his phone. To make this story even more interesting, in true American style, Philip Sherman and his wife Tina Sherman are now suing McDonalds. Because he left his phone on the table you say? Nope, because Philip Sherman had some NUDE PICTURES OF HIS WIFE TINA SHERMAN ON HIS CELLPHONE. Not only did Philip Sherman have these nude photo's of his wife Tina Sherman on his cellphone, in true American Style, they got leaked onto the internet.

So according to court documents the couple suffered over these pictures of Tina Sherman being leaked onto the internet. So of course, since a McDonalds table was the last known location of Philip Sherman's cellphone McDonalds must pay for the forgetfulness of Philip Sherman. Maybe there was something in the burgers which made Philip Sherman forget his cellphone loaded with nude pictures of his wife on a table at McDonalds.

Personally, I think they should just get on with life, take this 15 minutes and work with it. Hey, maybe Tina Sherman can star next to Lisa Ann in Nailin Paylin Part Deux - Everything sounds better in french.

For more on this story

Nude Tina Sherman Photo's Exposed on internet
I'm Loving it - Nude Tina Sherman cellphone pictures spread on the internet

Friday, November 21, 2008

Dumb ass teen wacks himself on webcam

Now this is fucking stupid

A South Florida teen died of a lethal drug overdose in front of a live online webcam audience 12 hours after he started blogging about his plan to commit suicide, an investigator said Friday.

Abraham Biggs, 19, died Wednesday from a toxic combination of opiates and benzodiazepine, a drug used to treat insomnia and depression, said Wendy Crane, an investigator with the Broward County medical examiner's office. At least one of the drugs was prescribed to him and it's unclear how he got the others, Crane said.

Some of those watching encouraged Biggs, others tried to talk him out of it, and a few were debating whether the dose he took was lethal, Crane said. It's unclear how many people were watching.

Biggs stated his intentions on a forum at bodybuilding.com, where some users said they did not take him seriously because he had made previous statements about killing himself, Crane said. Biggs posted a link from there to Justin.tv, a site that allows users to broadcast live videos from their webcams.

Someone finally notified the moderator of the body building site's forum, who traced the teen's location to Pembroke Pines and called police, Crane said. Biggs was dead by the time they got to his house around 3:30 p.m. Wednesday, Crane said. He had started blogging at 3 a.m.

"He was just seen laying on the bed at that point," she said.

Condolences poured into his MySpace page, where the mostly unsmiling teen is seen posing in a series of pictures with various young women.

A woman who answered the phone at Biggs' home and identified herself as his sister said the family was still dealing with his death and declined immediate comment.

Biggs' father, Abraham Biggs Sr., told ABCNews.com that he was not home when his son died. He said his son struggled with depression and had been prescribed benzodiazepine to treat bipolar disorder. Biggs had been "doing better," his father said. "He was a good kid."

The elder Biggs said he was upset that Justin.tv streamed his son's suicide live.

"There seems to be a lack of control as to what people put out on the Internet," the elder Biggs said. "There's a lot of garbage out there that should not be, and unfortunately this was allowed to happen."

In a statement, Justin.tv CEO Michael Seibel said: "We regret that this has occurred and want to respect the privacy of the broadcaster and his family during this time."

Messages left with the body building Web site were not immediately returned Friday. A spokesman said Pembroke Pines police are investigating but declined further comment.

Crane said she knows of at least one other case in which a South Florida man shot himself in the head in front of an online audience, although she didn't know how much viewers saw.

In Britain last year, a man hung himself while chatting online.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Stalkers and Freaks

I've never understood this whole celebrity fascination thing.
Today, I took a look through Google Hot Trends and noticed Brad Armpit is back in the limelight. I guess he appeared on the Oprah Windbag show and there was an opportunity for fans (read as stalkers) to talk to Bradley via webcam. Ya, can you see where this is going.

Brad, what the fuck is that bug on
your face, you look like Hitler

So anyways, this bowser twit pops on and starts swooning over Brad and how great he is and how much of a fan (Stalker) she is. This girl further went on to start asking detailed questions about Brad's Tattoo's and what their significance is. At this point Brad refused to answer looked noticably embarassed, or angry and tried to move on. Apparently this girl had no concept of body language and she kept on. If I was Brad, I would be boosting my level of security and getting a restraining order, this chick is obviously nuts (being a fan of Brad Pitt aside)

Oh ya, so if anyone knows this nutbag, you might want to get her layed. She really needs to get a life.

Monday, November 17, 2008

"Big Suprise" Another bank in financial problems - Remember the 80's

OK, does this headline really surprise anyone?

Citibank Massive employee Lay-off

For a couple of years now, I have been telling people the Real Estate market was ready for a crash. Living in Vancouver Canada, I was met with dumb-ass comments like "oooh not until after the Olympics" as if 2 weeks of people skating, skiing and sliding down an icy track with their genitals closely entwined with another member of the same sex is really going to effect the real estate market in a substantial and real way. Did you read that part about the 2 weeks!!!

All that aside, the banks and credit card companies have been taking full advantage of the increased level of consumer stupidity. The Subprime interest rate marketing scheme was simply the start, longer amortization periods and reduced qualifications for Morgtages added to the massive debt load. Credit card companies followed suit by increasing the number of "introductory rate" offers, knowing full well, most consumers have little control over their spending habits when it comes to plastic.

Yes, I feel bad for the employee's who are now being layed off. Unfortunately, many of them had very little to do with the brain dead decisions made by the top level execs. Those effected can take some comfort in knowing, if the past is any indication, top level executive positions will soon be subject to the axe as the economy takes a further tumble into oblivion.

All that said, things will eventually get better once the shit filters through the pipes. It might take a few years as well as some interest rate increases, but the banks will eventually recover and the economy will be ready for a brand new batch of brain dead consumers and blood sucking bank executives.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Woman Gives Birth to her own Grandchildren

I would think a story like this would originate from the deep south, but Ohio??? Read on

An Ohio woman who gave birth to her own triplet grandchildren says she is feeling fine one month later. Fifty-six-year-old Jaci Dalenberg of Wooster had to be closely monitored because of her age. Dalenberg said Tuesday on ABC's "Good Morning America" that she was happy to serve as a surrogate to help her daughter.

The girls were delivered by caesarean section on Oct. 11. They were more than two months premature and each weighed less than three pounds. Daughter Kim Coseno says the babies are doing well. The Cleveland Clinic says Dalenberg offered herself as a surrogate when Kim Coseno and her husband, Joe, were waiting to adopt.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Is the World Ready for Obama? On the Prowl for racist Obama Jokes

Let me start off by saying I am not racist. I have no problem with anyone being anything they want regardless of colour. In fact, colour should never be an issue when it comes to jobs, relationships and politics. The thing is, the whole Obama election relied heavily on Obama being "Black". When Obama won, all the media could say was "Americans Elect the first Black President."

I understand skin tone is fairly evident but how is that any different from saying "Americans elect first Blonde President" or "Americans elect first President without a Texas accent." Come on people, who gives a fvck.

I tried to find some Racist Obama jokes for this post as everyone seems to be looking for them but at the end of the day we are all follicly challenged Monkey's.