... and we are merely monkey's

Congratulations, you just wasted 23 1/2 seconds of your lifeSo what is MonkeyGuano, you may ask... Well thank you for asking. A Monkey is a primate from which all humans originated, unless of course you believe that apple and horny Teenager story. And Guano, well that is Poop, particularly the poop of Birds and Bats, but I stole it for monkey's. After all, if Paris Hilton can make an album, Monkey's can sure as hell squirt a little Guano out of their ass.Oh, I guess that really didn't answer your question... OK 42.Cheers,

Monday, August 24, 2009

Beyond Hope... British Columbia

Actually, this story comes from right in Hope British Columbia. I guess I find the over curious just a slight bit beyond hope.

Regardless, unless you are living under a rock or don't listen to the news, you have probably heard the story about Ryan Jenkins and Jasmine Fiore. If not, here is the 30 second recap. a week ago Friday, Ryan Jenkins reports his wife (or ex wife) missing. The next day, police find Jasmine Fiore's mutilate body in a suitcase which had been tossed into a dumpster... or trash receptical as the police report said.

After that, the geeknet went nuts with people searching for everything from Naked Pictures of Jasmine Fiore, Jasmine Fiore's Playboy pictures, and of course the obligatory and quite fvcking morbid Jasmine Fiore death pictures. Come on people, has the world become so immune to suffering that everyone wants to see pictures of a mutilated dead person? I blame video games and Clive Barker.

Immediately after Jasmine Fiore's body was found, police went searching for Ryan Jenkins. In true Phil Spectre style, Ryan Jenkins was nowhere to be found. For a week police tried to hunt him down. Even "Dog the Bounty Hunter" offered to join in the search (All for the publicity of course.)

Now onto Hope. Hope British Columbia is a small piss ant town just east of Vancouver, British Columbia, Yes, the host city for the fricking 2010 Olympic Winter Games. With a population of about... ah who gives a crap it is small and most of the population consists of drunkin' Indians anyways. So of course, that makes it the perfect place for some reality TV show dork to hide. So that is what Ryan Jenkins did for about a week. He hid in Hope British Columbia.

Well, apparently something happened and Ryan Jenkins no longer has to hide. He either committed suicide or it was made to look like he hung himself. Whatever the case, Ryan Jenkins was found hanging by his neck in the Thunderbird Motel in Hope British Columbia. Perhaps they can now name it the Ryan Jenkins room and all those sick fvcks looking for pictures of Ryan Jenkins hanging dead from a noose can rent it out to wack off to Jasmine Fiore pictures in. Seriously people, what the fvck is wrong with you? Did you fall on your head as a child?

My prediction is, next everyone will be hunting for the Ryan Jenkins Suicide note... if he could spell, he was a reality TV star after all.

Related Links

Vancouver 2010 Blog
The Hunt for Jasmine Fiore's Killer
Ryan Jenkins found dead in Hope BC Motel Room

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Geriatric Rock, Steven Tyler, George Sodini Blog Link and more

I haven't really posted in this blog lately, but the news items of the last few days really make me shake my head.

First the world is all up in arms because Paula Abdul rejected some 8 figure salary and left American Idol. Of course, newcomer hottie Kara DioGuardi is back for another swing at the American Idol Judges booth. There are those who feel Kara DioGuardi was brought in to replace aging has been pop star Paula Abdul. At the end of the day, who gives a crap. More Here

Next is a sad story about a shooting at an LA Fitness in Bridgeville PA. A few things caught my attention on this one. First of all, some blogger in India was fast on the ball, posting the news item within an hour of the first body falling from the bullet of psycho looser George Sodini. It wasn't the speed as much as the lack of observation. Yes, the massacre occured at an LA Fitness, but this does not mean it happened in California. Easy mistake I guess. It just goes to show us bloggers need to be more careful on the news we gather and post. More here

On the topic of George Sodini and the innocent lives he took. Shortly after the LA Fitness shooting, authorities found a link to George Sodini's online blog on his website. You see, this psycho nutbag had been planning the shooting for quite sometime. He even attempted his "plan" back on January 6th, 2009. Oddly enough, at the exact same time. 8:15 PM. The really sad part is, there are people looking for the link to George Sodini's Blog. Personally, I read his drivel, and at the end of all his complaining and finger pointing, George Sodini requested readers post his blog in its' entirety so his words would "live on forever." I don't know about you, but this is where it comes down to Blogger Social Responsibility, I refuse to give this psycho killer his last request. After all, his victims did not have a chance to let their thoughts be known. They are dead now and it is all George Sodini's fault. More Here

Moving on and on a lighter note wannabe sugarbaby/trophy wife, Megan Hauserman is taking another stab at the Reality TV market with her own show entitled "Megan Wants A Millionaire." According to an interview, "he doesn't have to be rich." Ya, ok this just sounds like another Chicken of the sea incident. Hot but dumb as a bucket of rocks. Read more

Somehow Megan Hauserman is a perfect seguay into the next topic, with every you sexy gold digging harlet, is the aging rockstar. So this brings us to Aerosmith frontman, Steven Tyler. So what did he do this time? During an Aerosmith performance at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in western South Dakota early Thursday morning, the Geriatric Rocker fell off the stage. You know, I couldn't make this shit up.

Apparently the power went out or there was some sort of issue with the sound system so what does the old man do? Well, in true old man trying to act young style, Steven Tyler decided to "Dance" around the stage. We all know white men can't dance, particularly this honkey. Anyways, the inevitable happened when Steven Tyler was up on a catwalk he slipped and fell backwards. Security quickly rushed in to help the aging rocker who was quickly taken backstage. Shortly after that, Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry came out and announced Steven Tyler was taken to the hospital and they would not be able to continue with the show. According to Hospital Reports, Steven Tyler suffered minor head and neck injuries and a shoulder injury.

On the topic of music, or at least people who think they are musicians, how can anyone miss the recent release of Naked Vanessa Hudgens pictures. Yes, the Disney star did it again. Even after her claim to have learned from her previous naked picture release, Vanessa Hudgens let the world see her pooter yet one more time. One has to wonder if this is simply another publicity stunt designed to get as much attention as possible. If so, it worked. Read more on the Naked Vanessa Hudgens photo Scandal here

Speaking of naked chicks, a few months after the firestorm of search activity around Demi Moore's Bush, the internet searchers want more. For a couple of days, there was a fury of activity around a reported photo of Demi Moore ironing naked which was posted on Twitter by her husband, Ashton Kutcher. Way to go Kutch, quit bragging already. More Here

Of course, who could miss the massive amount of activity around poor ESPN Sportscaser Erin Andrews, who had a naked peeping tom video of herself plastered all over the internet. The attention around Erin Andrews got so fierce, she even had to call 911 on the Paparazzi. The funny part of this all is, the 911 operator did not even know who Erin Andrews was. Perhaps she was in a Call Centre in India. At the end of the call, Erin Andrews lamented "I'm being treated like fvcking Britney Spears" Read more here

And now... as if the Internet was not already burning up, Hurricane Felicia is gathering strength and heading towards Hawaii. So what does this mean people??? Well, within a few days, the search term Hurricane Felicia and Hawaii will be hotter than the search for Pictures of Michael Jackson's Ghost hanging out with the Ghost of Elvis. If you are interested in keeping an eye on Hurricane Felicia as it heads towards Hawaii, check out the Hurricane Tracker